


Yosuke Fucks Up

by phantomdoodler



Category: Persona 4
Genre: College, Crack, Dick Pics, Getting Together, M/M, Post-Canon, Pre-Slash, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-30
Updated: 2015-10-07
Packaged: 2018-04-06 21:43:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4237677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantomdoodler/pseuds/phantomdoodler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Friends don't let friends accidentally send dick pics.  Or text under the influence.  Or leave incriminating voicemails.  Honestly, who let any of this happen?</p><p>Fair warning there is nothing sexy about this fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Yosuke Fucks Up

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cloudtopcruise](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudtopcruise/gifts).



> I'm sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the accidental dick pic chapter

**Yosuke**  
look @ this gr9 meme

 

**Souji**

there’s no picture

 

**Yosuke**

sry frgot 2 attach it hold on

there

 

 **Souji**  
?

 

**Yosuke**

wat

 

**Souji**

is that the right picture

 

**Yosuke**

FVK

FUBK

Fhcck

 

**Souji**

I’m gonna take that as a no

 

**Yosuke**

YES ITS A NO

I DIDNT INTENTUONLY SENDU A DUCK PICK

DUCK PIC

DICK PIC

FCK

 

 **Souji  
** it’s okay I’ll just delete it

 

**Yosuke**

ITS 2 LATE

U SAW TIT

IT

I CAN NVER LO OK AT U AGAIN

 

**Souji**

it's not that big a deal? 

 

**Yosuke**

YES IT IS

wait

wat do u men not abig deal

R U SAYIN G IM SMALL

 

**Souji**

what? no!

 

**Yosuke**

u dont think its small?/?

 

 **Souji  
** I don’t know? I didn’t look that closely

 

**Yosuke**

hold on ill snd it again

 

**Souji**

you don’t have to

 

**Yosuke**

huh

wait

U DIDNT DELETE IT ? ?????

 

**Souji**

I’m sorry I was too busy replying!  I’ll go delete it now

 

**Yosuke**

NO U HAVE 2 LOOK AT UT

N TELL ME

 

**Souji**

are you sure?

 

**Yosuke**

SOUji this is important

 

**Souji**

okay

 

**Yosuke**

did u look??

 

 **Souji**  
yes

 

**Yosuke**

and????????

 

**Souji**

and you’re not small?

 

**Yosuke**

questn mark?

y question mark?!

 

**Souji**

I don’t really know what to say it’s not every day I find myself rating friends’ dicks

 

 **Yosuke  
** b honest w me souji i can take it

tell me wat ur thinking

souji

souji r u there

 

**Souji**

yeah

 

**Yosuke**

then anser meeee

 

**Souji**

okay but you can’t get mad

 

**Yosuke**

what why

R U GONNA TELL ME I’M SMALL

 

**Souji**

NO I already told you you’re not

 

**Yosuke**

oh

then what

 

**Souji**

nvm

**Yosuke**

no u gotta tell me now

 

**Souji**

no

 

**Yosuke**

yes

 

**Souji**

no

 

**Yosuke**

plz

 

**Souji**

I thought you didn’t want me looking at this any longer than necessary? 

 

**Yosuke**

ill make an exeption

plz

plz plz plz

its 2 late u already saw it u might as well tell me

 

**Souji**

this is a bad idea

 

**Yosuke**

come onnnn

i promise i wont get mad

bstow upon me ur wisdom o wise bisexual one

 

**Souji**

I’ll tell you if you promise never to call me that again

 

**Yosuke**

deal

r u still there

r u writin out ur detailed dick analysis

or should i say ANALysis

lmao

srsly r u there

 

**Souji**

it looks good

 

**Yosuke**

wtf i kno u did not just spend like half an hour to say it looks good

 

**Souji**

it was 6 minutes!

 

**Yosuke**

STILL

ur holding out on me souji

 

**Souji**

I had to go to the bathroom

 

**Yosuke**

since when r u against takin ur phone in the bathroom

 

**Souji**

I forgot it

 

**Yosuke**

U DID NOT

 

**Souji**

how could you possibly know that

 

**Yosuke**

ur changing the subject

tell me

wat u were gonna say

about my dick

 

**Souji**

FINE it looks suckable

 

**Yosuke**

what

wtf

 

 **Souji  
** I TOLD YOU THIS WAS A BAD IDEA

 

**Yosuke**

what does that even mean

 

**Souji**

what

 

**Yosuke**

what do u mean it looks suckable

 

**Souji**

god why did I think this was a good idea

 

**Yosuke**

u said suckable I wanna kno

 

**Souji**

what do you not understand about suckable?!

 

**Yosuke**

like

what makes it suckable aren’t all dicks technicly suckable

 

**Souji**

I mean yeah but

it's different, y’know? 

 

**Yosuke**

souj u r talking to a bj n00b here ur gonna haf to be more specific

 

**Souji**

like, uh…  some are more fun to give than others? 

 

**Yosuke**

bcuz of dick suckability

 

**Souji**

yes

 

**Yosuke**

ok so what determines the suckability of a dick

 

**Souji**

I don’t know? 

 

**Yosuke**

then how do u kno

 

 **Souji  
** instinct I guess?

 

**Yosuke**

n ur instinct is sayin it would be fun to suck my dick

 

**Souji**

no

I mean maybe?

I mean it’s not like I’m thinking about doing that with you

 

**Yosuke**

oh

 

**Souji**

sorry this is weird

I shouldn’t have said any of that in the first place

 

**Yosuke**

no u dun have to be sorry

I asked after all

souji?

 

**Souji**

I’m here

 

**Yosuke**

idk if it makes any difference but its only fair 2 tell u

ur mouth looks vry blowjobable

 

 **Souji  
** what

 

**Yosuke**

sry i gotta go i think the dryer beeped

 

**Souji**

yosuke wtf

 

**Yosuke**

ttyl k? bye!

 

**Souji**

yosuke what does that mean 

what does blowjobable mean

???

yosuke I know you’re still there

explain!

yosuke

gdi


	2. Yosuke Fucks Up Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the drunk texting chapter

**Yosuke**

heeeeeey

whats uppppp

 

**Souji**

just homework, you?

 

**Yosuke**

whaat but its thursday

 

**Souji**

yes.  thursday.  which is a school night.

 

**Yosuke**

only 4 nERDZ WHO Schedule fri classes

lmAo

 

**Souji**

are you drunk

 

**Yosuke**

no way im bearly buzZed

 

**Souji**

you're so drunk

 

**Yosuke**

honest im not

 

**Souji**

you’re speaking in bear puns, you’re drunk

 

**Yosuke**

O k maybe im a LItTLE dronk

drunk

c i can still spell

 

**Souji**

congrats.  I really do need to work on this though

 

**Yosuke**

wa

wat

wait

souji

 

**Souji**

?

 

**Yosuke**

did u rly mean that

 

**Souji**

did I mean what

 

**Youske**

wat u sed

 

**Souji**

what did I say?

 

**Yosuke**

u sad my duck looked suckable

 

**Souji**

oh god

can we not talk about this while you’re drunk

or ever

 

**Yosuke**

nooo y dont u want talk about it

i Ned to kno

if u were srs

 

**Souji**

idk sure

 

**Yosuke**

no not idk

do u lik my dik for realizes

realzys

how spell realsees

 

**Souji**

I don’t think realsies has an official spelling

 

**Yosuke**

well that sux but aNASWER THE QUEStion

u sed it looks sukable do u wan t that

soui

souji

answer

did u think about blowing me

 

**Souji**

yosuke, I respect and value you as a friend, I would never do anything to betray your trust

 

**Yosuke**

cuz i did

 

**Souji**

oh

 

**Yosuke**

like  
a lot

a LOT a lot

 

**Souji**

wait what did you think about, getting a blowjob?

 

**Yosuke**

have i ever told u u have anice mouth

it’d look rly good

doing that

is that weird

thats probly weird

it looks small tho how do u fit a duck in ther

itd like barely fit

dont u end up drooling everywhere if u cant close ur mouth

o no wat if u choke

souji plz dont choke

plz tell me ur only blwoing small guys i dont want u to choke

how will i tell ur family that u died overdosing on dick

souji

SOUJI R U THERE IM SCARED PLZ DONT DIE

DOES THE HYMLIK WORK IF F U CHOKE ON A DICK

SOUJI R U OK

 

**Souji**

sorry I’m here I’m fine

I really have to finish this homework now, get home safe okay?

 

**Yosuke**

ok i try not to sjffocate on any monster dongs on the way

 

\------

 

**Yosuke**

OMG DUDE IM SO SORRY shit i swear ill never text drunk again omg plz dont hate me

plz answer when u see this im really really sry

i swear i dont think about u giving me bjs

or giving u bjs

or simultaneously giving u a bj while u give me a bj

shit im making this worse IM SORRY PLZ JUST TXT ME K

 

**Souji**

sorry I was meeting with a professor

wow

 

**Yosuke**

shit man i thought u were ignoring me im so sorry ok like really sorry

 

**Souji**

yeah I got that part lol I’m not mad at you

 

**Yosuke**

RLY???  WERE COOL????

 

**Souji**

yeah we’re cool

 

**Yosuke**

OK GOOD cuz i actually g2g to class now

 

**Souji**

ok don’t trip on any monster dongs on the way

 

**Yosuke**

STFU


	3. Souji Fucks Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the incriminating voicemail chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never planned on writing so much of this that I'd actually have to explain anything about the setting whatsoever but here we are. 
> 
> So, uh. I figure that they're in college at this point but go to different universities. Other than that WHO KNOWS.

**Yosuke**

what u want

 

**Souji**

?

 

**Yosuke**

im in class i cant listen to the voicemail

 

**Souji**

???

 

**Yosuke**

lol dude ur so out of it u just called me

u there?

if its an emergency i can leave 

 

**Souji**

no, I must have butt dialed you, you can delete that

 

**Yosuke**

weird its like a 2 min message

 

**Souji**

I guess I was sitting weird

 

**Yosuke**

what if ur ass has smth importnt to tell me

 

**Souji**

lol

 

**Yosuke**

what if i end up deleting its cry for help

souji it wants u to stop with the extra spicy tacos

 

**Souji**

that was one time!!!!

seriously though I promise it’s not an asS.O.S

 

**Yosuke**

LMAO

 

**Souji**

did you delete it

 

**Yosuke**

?

 

**Souji**

the voicemail

 

**Yosuke**

o ya right

wait y is it so important

 

**Souji**

it's not

 

**Yosuke**

omg did u buttdial me from the can

 

**Souji**

kind of

 

**Yosuke**

LOL SO IT WAS AN ASSOS THEN

srsly man u gotta be nicer to ur intestines

 

**Souji**

says the guy who almost peed in the tv

 

**Yosuke**

hey man that was hs we all did some things we regret

 

**Souji**

ok well I’m pretty sure you don’t want to hear any of that, so just delete it and PAY ATTENTION IN CLASS

 

**Yosuke**

yeah yeah ok mom :P  ttyl 

 

\----

 

**Yosuke**

ok b4 u get mad i was gonna delete that voicemail n definitely NOT listen to it but i forgot n it played automaticly when i was checking 4 a msg from my mom

but dude u could have told me it was a sexdial i dont judge

 

**Souji**

please tell me you didn’t listen to the whole thing

 

**Yosuke**

thats not important now u didnt even tell me u were seein anybody!!

 

**Souji**

what

 

**Yosuke**

i mean its not like i listened that closely or anything but u sed somebodys name right

 

**Souji**

definitely not

 

**Yosuke**

kosuke or smth?

wait is it that guy in ur math class u were talking about? ryousuke or whatever

 

**Souji**

what no

he’s like 30

 

**Yosuke**

omg was it josuke??? souji r u jackin off to beefy anime men

 

**Souji**

no!!!

and if i were it would be to jotarou fyi

but if I said anything it was in the heat of the moment and I don’t remember

 

**Yosuke**

oh

so no secret city gigolo then? lol

or gigalette??

 

**Souji**

not a one

 

**Yosuke**

o well thats too bad

 

**Souji**

I don’t think gigolos have student discounts anyways

 

**Yosuke**

lmao k well i got stuff to do ttyl

 

**Souji**

okay

oh and thanks for deleting that message.  finally.  even though I had to ask you like ten times

 

**Yosuke**

oh yeah

 

**Souji**

you did delete it right

right?????

yosuke I swear to god

yosuke

yosuke?

omfg


	4. Souji Fucks Up Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the innocent bystanders get involved chapter

 

**Chie**

WTF.

NO.

GROSS.

EW.

WHY.

 

**Souji** ****

that was an accident

 

**Chie**

No u know what I don’t even wanna know.

 

**Souji**

I’m sorry

 

**Chie**

U owe me for this.

 

**Souji**

I’ll make steak

 

**Chie**

HOW COULD U.

HOW COULD U DRAG STEAK INTO THIS CONVERSATION.

Soiling my meat with ur…manmeat. 

 

**Souji**

it's not mine!!

 

**Chie**

THAT’S EVEN WORSE.

SENDING ME SOMEONE ELSE’S DICK.

 

**Souji** ****

I told you it was an accident

 

**Chie**

Wait whose dick do you have on your phone?

 

**Souji**

That’s not important

 

**Chie**

OMG IS IT SOMEONE I KNOW?!

 

**Souji**

really not important

 

**Chie**

OMG IT IS.

Who is it?

Is it that guy from ur statistics class?Ryohei?Ryosuke?

 

**Souji**

one, no it is not. two, why does everybody think I’m sleeping with him?? 

 

**Chie**

Um maybe because u talk about his ass like 24/7.

 

**Souji**

I only mentioned it like 3 times!

 

**Chie**

How many times can u mention someone’s butt b4 it’s not platonic.

 

**Souji** ****

okay point taken but I know you’ve talked about jet lee’s butt more 

 

**Chie**

That’s different!It’s a professional respect.

 

**Souji** ****

professional respect for his ass

 

**Chie**

U just don’t understand the importance of glutes.

Does the guy ur sexting know u skip leg day?That might be a deal breaker.

 

**Souji**

I’m not telling you who it is

 

**Chie**

Souji.I have a right to know whose junk has scarred me for life.

 

**Souji**

somehow I think that would be more scarring

 

**Chie**

How could this possibly get any worse.

Oh no.

OH NO.

IT’S NOT.

YOU DIDN’T.

 

**Souji** ****

I didn’t say anything

 

**Chie**

OF ALL THE DICKS I NEVER WANTED TO SEE.

 

**Souji** ****

I have no idea what you’re talking about

 

**Chie**

Please just tell me I’m wrong.

Please tell me you did not just send me a picture of Yosuke’s dick.

 

**Souji**

I’ll make steak all week

 

**Chie**

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

\---

 

 

**Chie**

I HATE U.

 

**Yosuke**

i told u its not my fault redbox didnt have fist of fury

 

**Chie**

Not that.

 

**Yosuke**

what i do?

 

**Chie**

I CAN’T TELL U.

 

**Yosuke**

wtf!!!

 

**Chie**

Ask ur boyfriend.

 

**Yosuke**

sry i dnt have chad kroegers #

 

**Chie**

Who?

Wait is that that guy in that crappy band.

 

**Yosuke**

NICKELBACK ISNT CRAPPY

 

**Chie**

So that’s a yes.

 

**Yosuke**

Y CANT U SEE THERE ARTISTRY

 

**Chie**

I’m talking about Souji!!

 

**Yosuke**

oh

wait wat

 

**Chie**

Are you kidding me?

 

**Yosuke**

no srsly i have no idea wat ur talking bout 

 

**Chie**

NEVERMIND. 

 

 

\---

 

 

**Chie**

UR NOT EVEN DATING?!!!

 

**Souji** ****

?

 

**Chie**

U.YOSUKE.

 

**Souji** ****

no

 

**Chie**

BUT U HAVE HIS BITS ON UR PHONE.

 

**Souji** ****

yes

 

**Chie**

So u can ask a guy for a dick pic but not a date?!

 

**Souji** ****

He sent it on accident

 

**Chie**

Right.“Accident.”

But u kept it.

 

**Souji**

…maybe

 

**Chie**

Well I am seriously concerned about ur taste in men but if u liked what u saw then WHY aren’t u out there getting it?!

 

**Souji**

getting his dick??

 

**Chie**

Yes.

 

**Souji**

he's my best friend

 

**Chie**

Souji.

This is me ur talking to.

 

**Souji** ****

good point 

 

**Chie**

Good so just tell him u like his junk and get on with it.

 

**Souji** ****

I already told him that

 

**Chie**

TMI.I WAS JOKING.BUT.What did he say?

 

**Souji** ****

that he doesn’t know how a dick could fit in my mouth

 

**Chie**

OKAY REALLY TMI.

 

**Souji** ****

sorry

 

**Chie**

But seriously.Ur wasting ur time NOT dating him.

Do it.Face out.Hold out.Reach out to the dick.

 

**Souji** ****

what

 

**Chie**

JUST.DO IT.

AND DON’T SEND ME UR NASTIES AGAIN.

 

**Souji** ****

got it

 

 

\---

 

 

**Chie**

I never want to see your dick again.

 

**Yosuke**

WHAT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I read all your comments, I'm just hella bad at replying to them.


	5. Souji and Yosuke Get Fucked Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the obligatory party chapter

**Souji**

you free this weekend?

 

**Yosuke**

ya why

 

**Souji**

calligraphy club’s having a party

8pm Saturday

 

**Yosuke**

do caligraphy kids even kno how to party

 

**Souji**

excuse you

 

**Yosuke**

ok do NORMAL calligraphy kids kno how to party

 

**Souji**

there will be booze

 

**Yosuke**

well y didnt u say so im in

 

**Souji**

cool

wanna meet up early and grab some dinner?

 

**Yosuke**

ya sounds gud

o but dorm curfew is 12:00 so i cant stay late

 

**Souji**

you can crash at my place

if you want

 

**Yosuke**

ok cool

ur rents dont mind?

 

**Souji**

dad's in Taiwan til Tuesday and mom has her mahjong group

 

**Yosuke**

at midnite??

 

**Souji**

there’s tequila involved I don't know the details

 

**Yosuke**

i don t think i wanna kno the details

but thx mama seta 4 unintenxtionly lettin me use ur house

cuz ur out playin strip mahjong or smth

 

**Souji**

god no

 

**Yosuke**

or using it as a cover for kinky orgies

 

**Souji**

with the old lady across the street?

 

**Yosuke**

u dont kno what those neighbor ladies r capsble of souji

 

**Souji**

well, all secret housewife societies aside, I’m looking forward to it

 

**Yosuke**

ya itll be fun!!　

as long as theres no calligrpahy

 

**Souji**

shut up

 

 

\---

 

 

**Yosuke**

SHIT I FORGOT MY JAMMIES

IM ALREDY ON THE TRAIN WAT DO I DO

 

**Souji**

sleep in your clothes?

 

**Yosuke**

U DONT UNDRESTAND

THESE JEANS R 2 SKINNY THYLL CUT OFF MY CIRCLUATION

ILL WAKE UP N NOT BE ABLE 2 FEEL M YDICK

 

**Souji**

then why are you wearing them

 

**Yosuke**

THEY MAKE MY BUTT LUK GOOD

 

**Souji**

fair enough

you can borrow some sweats

though I’d appreciate it if you didn’t feel your dick in those either

 

**Yosuke**

scouts honor

 

**Souji**

you were a boyscout?

 

**Yosuke**

no

 

**Souji**

yeah I don’t think you can swear on someone else’s honor

 

**Yosuke**

well dam

guess u just gotta trust me

 

**Souji**

oh no

 

**Yosuke**

wats that sposed to mean!!!

 

**Souji**

it's okay I needed new pants anyways

 

**Yosuke**

is that permission then :P

 

**Souji**

NO

 

 

\---

 

 

 

**Yosuke**

HELP

 

**Rise**

I s2g if this is about seduction techniques again (ಠ_ಠ)

 

**Yosuke**

its not plz plz plz

 

**Rise**

fiiiiine

 

**Yosuke**

w hats kinky cards

 

**Rise**

huh??

 

**Yosuke**

i sed id play but idk wat it is nd it too embrsng to ass now

 

**Rise**

exactly how much have you been drinking (￣□￣)

 

**Yosuke**

ASAP PLZ

 

**Rise**

sry idk ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

**Yosuke**

but u go t o bog parties n stuff

 

**Rise**

yeah, after parties, not frat parties!!!!　

 

**Yosuke**

shot wat do i do

 

**Rise**

ask yukiko?

 

**Yosuke**

how wud she kno???

 

**Rise**

she reads things

 

**Yosuke**

wat kinda thongs

tings

things

 

**Rise**

things ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

 

 

 

\---

 

 

 

**Yosuke**

he y can i ask u smth

 

**Yukiko**

Yes?　

 

**Yosuke**

do u kno wat kinky cards is

 

**Yukiko**

Why do you ask?　

 

**Yosuke**

plz its ipmortant

 

**Yukiko**

It’s a party game.

 

**Yosuke**

ya i got that part

 

**Yukiko**

Players take turn drawing cards.

The suit tells you what you have to do and the number tells you how many seconds you have to do it.

 

**Yosuke**

ok wat do the suits mean

 

**Yukiko**

Well it varies, but I believe it’s usually something like…

Hearts = Kiss, Diamonds = French Kiss, Clubs = Massage, and Spades = Touching.

 

**Yosuke**

WHAT

wati how r massage n touching different

 

**Yukiko**

Um.　 Massage is above the belt.　 And touching isn’t.　

 

**Yosuke**

O H MGDOND

 

**Yukiko**

May I ask why you needed to know?

 

**Yosuke**

BCUZ I SED ID PLEY IT

 

**Yukiko**

Oh my gosh, really?　

 

**Yosuke**

YES RLY HOW DO I GET OUT OF IT

 

**Yukiko**

Who are you playing with?

 

**Yosuke**

soujis surprisingly hardcore calgraphy club

 

**Yukiko**

Is Souji playing too?　

 

**Yosuke**

ya i think so y??

 

**Yukiko**

You should play.　

 

**Yosuke**

wat

 

**Yukiko**

And remember to take lots of pictures!　

 

**Yosuke**

wth

how ddo u kno this stuff anyway

 

**Yukiko**

That is privileged information.　

Have fun!

And use safer sex practices.　

 

**Yosuke**

WTH

 

 

\---

 

 

**Souji**

how to rig cards

 

**Rise**

( ・◇・)？

 

**Souji**

sory thought this was goggle

 

**Rise**

waaaait is this about kinky cards?　

 

**Souji**

how dod you know

 

**Rise**

good luck senpai (￣︶￣;)


	6. Fuck-Ups From Last Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the hangover chapter

**Rise**

sooooo did you figure out how to stack a deck last night ★~(◠‿◕ )

 

**Souji**

did I do that

 

**Rise**

you tell me!!　

 

**Souji**

maybe?　 I think?　 sounds vaguely familiar

 

**Rise**

and??? (ノ°▽°)ノ

 

**Souji**

I think the calligraphy club vice president grabbed my butt

 

**Rise**

**（** ◎Д◎）WHAT

 

**Souji**

I might have grabbed his first though

 

**Rise**

( ⚆ _ ⚆ )

senpai

wtf

 

**Souji**

I was not aware how much I liked orgasms

 

**Rise**

UM

 

**Souji**

THE DRINK

NOT ITS NAMESAKE　

 

**Rise**

speaking of its namesake tho

 

**Souji**

I don’t know where this conversation is going, but I know I’m too hungover to have it

 

**Rise**

grab any other butts while you were there?　 ( ＾◡＾)っ (‿|‿)

 

**Souji**

why is there an emoji for that

 

**Rise**

its a kaomoji!!

 

**Souji**

wouldn't that be a buttmoji?　

 

**Rise**

I…　 maybe?

but that’s not important!!!!

did you get any other action?　 maybe take somebooty home??? (lol)　

 

**Souji**

that would have been rude

 

**Rise**

( ・◇・)？

 

**Souji**

yosuke stayed over

 

**Rise**

oh did he ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

 

**Souji**

it was weird

 

**Rise**

ohhhhh????

 

**Souji**

idk I think something’s bothering him

 

**Rise**

not enough lubrication?

 

**Souji**

what

wait NO

NO NO NO

NO

 

**Rise**

(￣◇￣;)

 

**Souji**

NOT WHAT HAPPENED

NOTHING LIKE THAT

 

**Rise**

WHAT??　 WHY NOT?????!!!!!!

 

**Souji**

um????

 

**Rise**

omggg I don’t have time 4 u to play dumb ( ≧Д≦)

you want to bone him!　 he wants to bone you! WHY AREN’T YOU BONING!!!!!!!!

 

**Souji**

did he tell you that?

 

**Rise**

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

 

**Souji**

?

 

**Rise**

it LITERALLY could NOT be more OBVIOUS ヽ(ʘ言ʘ╬)ノ　

no wonder he’s upset, he’s in love with an attractive DOOR KNOB

 

**Souji**

he said I was attractive?　

 

**Rise**

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

 

**\---**

**Yukiko**

Hello!

 

**Yosuke**

2 early

 

**Yukiko**

It’s 2pm.

 

**Yosuke**

2pm early

 

**Yukiko**

How did your little game go?　

 

**Yosuke**

ugghhfghhhhh

 

**Yukiko**

I don’t know what that means.　

 

**Yosuke**

uuuuuggggghhhfhhhhhhhhh

 

**Yukiko**

Adding more letters is not making it any easier to understand you.　

 

**Yosuke**

it mean i feel lyk crap

 

**Yukiko**

Oh no!　 Do you have a hangover?

 

**Yosuke**

no

 

**Yukiko**

Then what’s wrong?

 

**Yosuke**

UGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

**Yukiko**

I’m afraid you’ve lost me again.　

 

**Yosuke**

never give Souji an orgasm

 

**Yukiko**

Oh, so it did go well!

 

**Yosuke**

ITS A DRONK

DRUNK

DRINK

 

**Yukiko**

So…　 The other kind was okay?

 

**Yosuke**

WTGHF

GJJDDGFFFHH

 

**Yukiko**

Yes?　 No?　 Maybe so?　

 

**Yosuke**

T HE ONLY ORGASMS WERE HTE ONES IN SOJIS MOUTH

 

**Yukiko**

Ew…

 

**Yosuke**

I MEANT THE DRINNGK

THE DRINK

TEH D R I N K

 

**Yukiko**

That’s unfortunate.

 

**Yosuke**

wat

**Yukiko**

I’m sure you’ll get another chance soon.　

 

**Yosuke**

chance 4 wat

 

**Yukiko**

 Um.　

A chance to have one with Souji.　 The kind that is not a drink.

 

**Yosuke**

GOODBYE

 

**Yukiko**

I’m only saying this because I care.

 

**Yosuke**

can u care bout my pride 4 once OTL

 

**Yukiko**

OTL?　

 

**Yosuke**

its a lil man on his hands n knees

its me

dying

rite now

bc ur mean

 

**Yukiko**

Oh!　 I see it!　 That’s neat!

 

**Yosuke**

cold yukiko cold

 

**Yukiko**

Really, I’m sure it will work out between you two soon.

 

**Yosuke**

ya well i dont think he wants that so

 

**Yukiko**

Why do you say that?　

 

**Yosuke**

idk like

kinky card s right?

i kno its part of the game n stuff

well NOW i kno

thx 4 that btw

 

**Yukiko**

Happy to help.　 But go on.

 

**Yosuke**

this guy i think hes the prez or smth?

but this guy kept gettin souj i somehow

i mean other ppl did too but

with him souji was lyk.　 into it

 

**Yukiko**

Maybe this guy’s just a really good kisser?　

 

**Yosuke**

wasnt when he kissed me

 

**Yukiko**

 

**Yosuke**

ya oh

 

**Yukiko**

You should talk to Souji about this.　

 

**Yosuke**

and say wat??　 hey im too chickn 2 ask u out but im mad at u cuz u like kissin mr eybrows

 

**Yukiko**

Mr. Eyebrows?

 

**Yosuke**

idk his name he had nice brows

 

**Yukiko**

I see.　

 

**Yosuke**

like tv star nice

no. movie star

 

**Yukiko**

Is there a difference?　 In eyebrow quality, that is.

 

**Yosuke**

YES

 

**Yukiko**

Interesting…　

You should still probably talk to Souji, though.　 At least find out how he feels about this Mr. Eyebrow man.　 He might not even be seriously interested in him!

 

**Yosuke**

but wat if he is

 

**Yukiko**

Well then it’s better to know for sure rather than worrying about it, right?

 

**Yosuke**

idk…i think it would hurt more to hear him say it for real

 

**Yukiko**

:(

 


	7. Special Extracurricular Fuck-Up Squad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the darn meddling kids chapter

**Rise**

SENPAI WE NEED TO GET SOUJI AND YOSUKE TO BONE

 

**Yukiko**

Excuse me?

I mean, I agree.　 But why all of a sudden?　

 

**Rise**

because they obvs can’t do it on their own without RUINING EVERYTHING!!!!! (╬ Ò ‸ Ó)

 

**Yukiko**

Well…yes.　 That’s true.　

 

**Rise**

you kno about the kinky cards rite???

 

**Yukiko**

Yes.　 And Mr. Eyebrows.　

 

**Rise**

( ・◇・)？

 

**Yukiko**

Apparently a calligraphy club officer whom Souji was rather enthusiastic about playing with.　

 

**Rise**

why Mr Eyebrows tho

 

**Yukiko**

Yosuke says he has movie star level eyebrows.　

 

 **Rise  
** srsly?! like not just tv star???

 

**Yukiko**

He was very clear about the distinction.

 

**Rise**

damn this is serious

wait is this the guy who grabbed Souji’s butt??? Σ(゜ロ゜;)

 

**Yukiko**

What?!

I didn’t hear anything about grabbed butts!　

 

**Rise**

welllll senpai had a few too many orgasms

 

**Yukiko**

The drink?　

 

**Rise**

the drink

not 100% clear on who grabbed who first but there were butts involved

 

**Yukiko**

It was…mutual?　

 

**Rise**

ugh yeah

 

**Yukiko**

Oh dear.　 No wonder Yosuke’s so upset.　

 

**Rise**

wait he saw???　 I thought this was like a 7 minutes in heaven thing

 

**Yukiko**

I’m not sure.　 He didn’t say anything about butts.　

But he did say, “with him souji was lyk.　 into it.”　

 

**Rise**

ohhhhhh nooooooo (´；д；`) senpai why

 

**Yukiko**

Kinky cards is a dangerous game.　

 

**Rise**

we need to fix this

before they somehow ruin another perfectly good opportunity to bang　

 

**Yukiko**

The question is how.　 I’m afraid you can’t ungrab a butt.　

 

**Rise**

an unfortunate truth (▰˘�k˘▰)

Yosuke is worried bcuz he thinks Souji is into Mr Eyebrows, rite??　 and he’s not confident in his brow game?

 

**Yukiko**

Yes.　 I tried to tell him that he should just ask him, but he wouldn’t listen.　

I’m not sure how insecure he is about his eyebrows, though…　

 

**Rise**

have you seen his eyebrows???　 he HAS to be insecure

but anyways

if Yosuke’s convinced that Souji’s into this guy…

then we just need to show him that he’s even MORE into HIM! ( •̀ᄇ• ́)ﻭ✧

　

**Yukiko**

But how?

 

**Rise**

WITH SOMETHING BIGGER THAN A BUTTGRAB!!! (ง ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)ง

**Yukiko**

Like slow passionate sex?

 

**Rise**

um

maybe not that big

…yet

 

**Yukiko**

Then what do you propose?　

 

**Rise**

hold on.　 I have an idea…

 

 

\---

 

 

**Rise**

senpaiiii!!!　 are you free on friday? (⋈◍＞◡＜◍)

 

**Souji**

I think so

 

**Rise**

great!!!

 

**Souji**

did you want to do something?

 

**Rise**

hang on a sec

 

 

\---  
  


 

**Rise**

hey!!!　 it's been a while!

 

**Yosuke**

o hai

 

**Rise**

we should hang out soon! are you busy on friday?

 

**Yosuke**

yea I got tutoring :/

 

**Rise**

poop (*≧□≦)  
  


**Yosuke**

um

 

**Rise**

what about saturday??

 

**Yosuke**

sat is good

 

**Rise**

cool hold on

 

**Yosuke**

???

 

 

\---

 

 

**Rise**

I meant saturday  
  


**Souji**

?

 

**Rise**

are you free on saturday

 

**Souji**

oh

saturday's laundry day

 

**Rise**

how long does laundry take??

 

**Souji**

I have to iron all my shirts

 

**Rise**

…all you wear are polos and tshirts

 

**Souji**

wrinkle-free polos and tshirts

 

**Rise**

(ಠ_ಠ)

 

**Souji**

I don’t like wrinkles!

 

**Rise**

(ಠ_ಠ) (ಠ_ಠ) (ಠ_ಠ)

 

**Souji**

okay fine, if I get up early I can finish by lunch

 

**Rise**

(｡’▽’｡)♡

 

 

\---  
  


 

**Chie**

What r u doing I can hear u cackling from the living room.　

 

**Yukiko**

Nothing…

 

**Chie**

Oh no.　

 

**Yukiko**

I’m doing a good deed.　

 

**Chie**

I’m scared.　

 

**Yukiko**

:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally had an orgasm (the drink) and I loved it. Even more so when I turned it into an orgasm milkshake.


	8. Foutre la Merde en Français

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the "date" chapter

**Souji**

hey, where are you?

 

**Rise**

sry I’m running a bit late (･´д･｀)))三(((´･д｀･)

I already reserved the karaoke room tho so u can go ahead!!!

 

**Souji**

ok but don't judge me if I just sing the same song until you get here

 

**Rise**

what song?

 

**Souji**

guess

 

**Rise**

is it by Tom Jones

 

**Souji**

maybe

 

**Rise**

is2g if you’re singing What’s New Pussycat when I get there

 

**Souji**

what! it's a good song

 

**Rise**

ok but there are many good songs that were released AFTER 1970 too

 

**Souji**

nothing as good as Pussycat　

 

**Rise**

smh

 

 

\---

 

 

**Yosuke**

i promis im almost there

 

**Rise**

well hurry up!!! ( ≧Д≦)

I only booked the room for two hours the clock is ticking

 

**Yosuke**

dont u >o< at me

 

**Rise**

that's not even the same thing

 

**Yosuke**

is 2

 

**Rise**

it is not!!!　 they are completely different expressions

 

**Yosuke**

>o<

 

**Rise**

I don’t have to listen to this!　 get ur ass over here already!!!

 

**Yosuke**

:^)

 

**Rise**

this is sacrilege

 

 

\---  
  


 

**Souji**

Yosuke's here?

 

**Rise**

oh did I not mention he was coming? ∑(⌒◇⌒；)

 

**Souji**

no…

 

**Rise**

well he is!　 lol

 

**Souji**

um ok

are you on your way?

 

**Rise**

funny story actually

my manager needs me to come into the office to sign a photo release ASAP

so I will meet u guys after karaoke & we can get dinner ok? (⌒▽⌒)☆

 

**Souji**

why do I get the feeling this wasn’t an accident at all

 

**Rise**

idk senpai it’s not unsual ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

**Souji**

don't bring Tom into this

 

 

\---  
  


 

**Yosuke**

wtf rise

 

**Rise**

u can thank me later

 

**Yosuke**

4 WAT A 2 HR OLDIES JAM SESSION?

 

**Rise**

ok that part wasn’t my fault

 

**Yosuke**

so u admit the rest was

 

**Rise**

look it’ll be worth it I promiiiise

 

**Yosuke**

wat r u gonna pay 4 drinkjs

 

**Rise**

with spelling like that you don’t need a drink （￣へ￣）

 

**Yosuke**

SU!!!

 

**Rise**

steven universe???

 

**Yosuke**

NO ITS SSHUT UP

 

**Rise**

oh

steven universe is better

 

**Yosuke**

IDEK WAT THAT IS

 

**Rise**

(╬⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾ Д ⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾)

we are having a marathon ASAP!!!!!

 

**Yosuke**

like whne u get here? cuz we still waiting

 

**Rise**

ok you kno that french restaurant across from the station??

 

**Yosuke**

the one with the naked peein dudes in front?

 

**Rise**

they're manneken-pis replicas ( ಠ - ಠ )

 

**Yosuke**

souj says that means lil peeing dude

 

**Rise**

whatever!!!

just meet me there, I’ll call and get you a table

 

**Yosuke**

u better b paying I cant afford nakey french guy food

 

**Rise**

yeah yeah I’ll handle it just go already

 

 

\---  
  


 

**Yukiko**

Targets acquired.　

 

**Rise**

( ✧ㅂ✧)

 

**Yukiko**

They are being seated next to the small peeing man.　

 

**Rise**

IT’S A MANNEKEN-PIS

 

**Yukiko**

You say tomato, I say tomato.　

 

**Rise**

uh

that doesn't really work in text

they can’t see you, right??

 

**Yukiko**

My disguise is foolproof.　

 

**Rise**

I mean you didn't really need a disguise… just needed a good table

 

**Yukiko**

Where’s the fun in spying without a costume?　

 

**Rise**

ok you have a point

 

 

\---  
  


 

**Souji**

are you on your way?　 or should we order without you

 

**Rise**

I JUST missed the train by like 3 SECONDS ヾ(;ﾟДﾟ;)ｼ

 

**Souji**

maybe we should just take a rain check, this place is pretty expensive

 

**Rise**

but you’re already there and everything!　 I’ll pay, okay?　

 

**Souji**

no, you don’t have to!

 

**Rise**

well at least let me buy your drinks! order some wine!!

 

**Souji**

I can’t pronounce half the names on this list

 

**Rise**

ok just get the trienne rose

or maybe the domaine du château d’eau

 

**Souji**

the first one looks easier to say

why do you know wine

 

**Rise**

we can talk later!　 right now you have a great opportunity to make witty banter and polite flirtations (｡’▽’｡)❤

 

**Souji**

with yosuke?

 

**Rise**

yes with yosuke!!! who else would I mean?!

 

**Souji**

idk the waitress is pretty cute

 

**Rise**

senpai!!!!!　 ( ≧Д≦)

 

**Souji**

lol ok ok I won’t hit on the waitress

 

**Rise**

honestly!!!

 

 

\---  
  
  


**Yukiko**

We may have a slight problem.　

 

**Rise**

( ・◇・)？

 

**Yukiko**

They said I have to order something other than water if I want to stay.　 :(

 

**Rise**

what's the cheapest appetizer?

 

**Yukiko**

Escargot.　

 

**Rise**

what??? no way

 

**Yukiko**

Okay, I just really want to try the escargot.　

 

**Rise**

ugh FINE but you’re paying half

 

**Yukiko**

:)

 

**Rise**

how are our boys doing?　

 

**Yukiko**

They have wine.

They do not like the wine.　

 

**Rise**

(ᗒᗩᗕ)

 

**Yukiko**

They’re laughing.　

I think Yosuke may have poured his glass into the peeing child’s fountain.　

 

**Rise**

GODDAMMIT

 

**Yukiko**

Souji seems to be putting breadsticks in his pockets.　

 

**Rise**

what (ಠ_ಠ)

they never give me breadsticks when I eat there

 

**Yukiko**

I would not have thought he could fit that many breadsticks in those pants.　

Why do men get all the good pockets?　

 

**Rise**

oh god

this is bad this is so bad

 

**Yukiko**

I don’t know, they look like they’re having fun.　

P.S. I can’t stop eating these escargots.　 I might get more.　

  
  


\---  
  
  
**Souji**

question

 

**Rise**

oh god what now

 

**Souji**

if I were to, hypothetically, keep taking breadsticks, how long would they keep bringing them to me?　

 

**Rise**

SENPAI TAKE THE BAGUETTES OUT OF YOUR PANTS

 

**Souji**

first of all, if I did, hypothetically, have bread in my pants, I think taking it out now would be frowned upon

 

**Rise**

I give you the opportunity to requite your love and you give me pants bread

 

**Souji**

pants bread can be romantic

everything is romantic in French

le pain de pantalon

 

**Rise**

I’ll show you a pain in the pants   
  
  
\---

  
  


**Rise**

THE RESERVATION IS UNDER MY NAME I’M GONNA BE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE

I have to meet my PR rep there next week how am I gonna show my face (ಥ_ಥ) (ಥ_ಥ) (ಥ_ಥ)

 

**Yukiko**

Oh!　 They’re fencing with their steak knives now.　

 

**Rise**

щ(ºДºщ)

 

**Yukiko**

The Matron D is coming.　

 

**Rise**

Who????

 

**Yukiko**

The fanciest waiter.　

 

**Rise**

maître d’… you mean maître d’

 

**Yukiko**

Really?　 But that doesn’t make any sense. 　

 

**Rise**

how does Matron D make sense???

 

**Yukiko**

Hold on.　

 

**Rise**

( ・◇・)？

what’s happening?

Yukiko????

YUKIKO

 

 

\---  
  


 

**Yosuke**

y is yukiko here

 

**Rise**

who?

 

 **Yosuke  
** -_-

 

**Rise**

you must be mistaken, she doesn’t even like french food

 

**Yosuke**

so u sayin some1 else is wearin groucho glasses an d throwingup on a waiter

 

**Rise**

(◎ロ◎)

 

**Yosuke**

at least the mater d isnt yellning at us anymore lol

 

**Rise**

I can’t believe you!!!

 

**Yosuke**

u 4get how many times her cookig did that to me

 

 

\---  
  


  
**Rise**

are you okay? (´；Д；｀) yosuke says you barfed on a waiter   
  
**Yukiko**

Escargot was a mistake.　

 

**Rise**

ok I’m coming to get you

 

**Yukiko**

But what about the plan?

 

**Rise**

THE PLAN FAILED

 

**Yukiko**

Aw. 　:(

 

 

\---  
  
  
**Souji**

can you be arrested for stealing breadsticks?

 

**Naoto**

?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> out of the few fic I've written, this now has both the most words and the most kudos. I am both proud and ashamed.


	9. Everything Goes Better Than Expected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the Souji finally does what he should have in the first place chapter

**Yosuke**

hwey r u busy

 

**Souji**

just drying dishes

 

**Yosuke**

o rite moms mah jong nite?

 

**Souji**

yup

I made omurice and fried shrimp

 

**Yosuke**

AND U DINT INVITE ME

 

**Souji**

I didn’t know omelets were a special occasion

 

**Yosuke**

bro

i live in a dorm

nething that dsnt come outta vending machine is a celebration

 

**Souji**

I thought you had a kitchen on your floor

 

**Yosuke**

ya so

 

**Souji**

this might sound far-fetched, but… have you ever considered…using it

 

**Yosuke**

prtnr r u ok

do u have a fever

 

**Souji**

omg at least make some noodles once in a while

 

**Yosuke**

souji

souji y do u think i can boil watr

 

**Souji**

I’ve seen you make tea!!!

 

**Yosuke**

souj

no

 

**Souji**

free up your weekend, we are going shopping

and buying you actual food

with vegetables and everything

 

**Yosuke**

wat nooooo

y cant u just feed me

 

**Souji**

sorry, housewife isn’t really one of my career goals

 

**Yosuke**

no it ok u can be independant career woman

with blackberrys and shoulder pads and a fancy car

n u can pick up dinne r for me on ur way home

 

**Souji**

oh great

what exactly would you be doing all day then

 

**Yosuke**

waiting 4 u to come back

maybe watch soap oprahs

 

**Souji**

woe is me, I work all day to provide for my family and my wife won’t even pitch in

 

**Yosuke**

w8 i thought u were the wife

 

**Souji**

we're lesbians

 

**Yosuke**

o ok

then i spend my days by t he pool

lookin at the poolboy

 

**Souji**

you're a terrible lesbian　

and since when do we have a pool?　 how much of my money are you spending?!

 

**Yosuke**

sry souji it was a sham marrage

i only wanted ur $$$

i licked dick all along

 

**Souji**

you licked dick

 

**Yosuke**

LIKED

 

**Souji**

no I understand

I’ll tell my mom she can have her wedding present back

because I married a dick licker　

 

**Yosuke**

shit i liked that toaster

speking of dick lickers tho

 

**Souji**

oh no

 

**Yosuke**

do u still have that pic

 

**Souji**

umm idk I’ll have to check

 

**Yosuke**

cuz i was thinkin

mayb e im ok w u having it

if u want

 

**Souji**

oh

 

**Yosuke**

i mean i get it if u dont lol

 

**Souji**

no I just figured it would be weird to keep it?

 

**Yosuke**

o

 

**Souji**

well, not weird, but…

it wouldn’t be fair since you never meant for me to see it in the first place

 

**Yosuke**

O

maybe not never

 

**Souji**

oh

 

**Yosuke**

nvm

just dont go fwding it around

again

 

**Souji**

I’m really sorry about that :(

 

**Yosuke**

suuuure u r

 

**Souji**

fine I’ll make it up to you

 

**Yosuke**

wat r u gonna send me a dicpic lol

 

**Souji**

yes

 

**Yosuke**

lol

wait r u srs

like srsly srs

dude

souuj

souji

fuk

 

**Souji**

there

 

**Yosuke**

hopy shit

 

**Souji**

?

 

**Yosuke**

that ur dic

 

**Souji**

yes

yes it is

 

**Yosuke**

wow

 

**Souji**

good wow or bad wow

 

**Yosuke**

i think i kno wat u meant by suckable wow

 

**Souji**

wow

really?

 

**Yosuke**

would i joke about ur dick

 

**Souji**

absolutely

 

**Yosuke**

o

well im not

defs in like top 5 of dicks ive seen

 

**Souji**

how many have u seen??

 

**Yosuke**

how many bread hav u eatn

 

**Souji**

what

 

**Yosuke**

i been watchng porn for a logn time souj

 

**Souji**

ur counting porn stars?

top 5 against porn stars???

 

**Yosuke**

ya so

 

**Souji**

r u trrying to kill me

 

**Yosuke**

lol r u ok ur texting like me

 

**Souji**

m thinkong bout it nnow

 

**Yosuke**

about wat

 

**Souji**

u succ me

 

**Yosuke**

o

O

shit

 

**Souji**

sry

 

**Yosuke**

no prob

i men

mean

i sorta thought bout it to

sry

if thats werd

ur th e one that brought up sucablity tho

sht

shit

r u there

did smth CUM UP ;)

shit no sry

souji

hellooo

r u mad at mr

me

 

**Souji**

no

we’re good

 

**Yosuke**

oh

good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully I can finish this sometime this month.
> 
> Thank you so much for all your comments, they always have me fanning my face because I AM TOO STRONG TO BLUSH.


	10. Kanji Does Nothing Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the pre-date chapter

**Kanji**

Hey, senpai!　 Are you busy today?　 I was wondering if you could help me with this math homework

 

**Souji**

ooh, sorry, I have plans

sort of a date, actually

 

**Kanji**

Oh, that’s cool.　 I hope it goes well!

 

**Souji**

thanks!

 

 

\---  
  
  


**Kanji**

Hey, are you free today?　 I need some help with math

 

**Yosuke**

wtf since wen do i kno math

 

**Kanji**

Good point

 

**Yosuke**

ur not supposed to agree!!

 

**Kanji**

So is that a yes, or…

 

**Yosuke**

sry man i got a hot date

 

**Kanji**

You could have just said you didn’t want to.　 I would understand  
  


**Yosuke**

IM NOT LYING

 

 

\---  
  
  
 **Kanji  
** Hey, do you have time to help me with my math homework today?

 

**Yukiko**

Oh.　 Math…  
Maybe you should ask Souji.

 

**Kanji**

I did! He says he has a date today

 

**Yukiko**

What?　 Really?　 With whom?

 

**Kanji**

I didn’t ask

 

**Yukiko**

Why not?!

 

**Kanji**

I don’t know.　 Seems kinda personal, don’t you think?　 What kinda tool goes poking their nose into their friends’ personal lives

 

**Yukiko**

Right!　 Of course!

Have you tried asking Yosuke?

 

**Kanji**

Senpai, do you want me to fail?

 

**Yukiko**

He can’t be that bad if he passed, right?　 Maybe he’ll even be better at explaining since he struggled with it!　

 

**Kanji**

Yeah, well, he’s busy.　 Or lazy.　 I’m not sure, he said he had a date

 

**Yukiko**

What?!

 

**Kanji**

What

 

**Yukiko**

You’re telling me that Souji and Yosuke both have dates.　

 

**Kanji**

Yeah?

 

**Yukiko**

On the same day.　

 

**Kanji**

I guess so

 

**Yukiko**

And you didn’t ask who they were going out with.　

 

**Kanji**

No?　   
Didn’t seem important

 

**Yukiko**

It’s important!　 Very important!

Oh my god.　 I have to tell Rise.

 

**Kanji**

Am I missing something?　

Senpai?

What about my math?　

 

 

\---

 

 

**Rise**

OMG SOUJI & YOSUKE ARE ON A DATE???? (●♡∀♡))ヾ☆*。  
  
 **Kanji**

They are?

 

**Rise**

Yukiko said u had the 411!

 

**Kanji**

411?　

 

**Rise**

the lowdown! the inside scoop!! the hot hot commodity of information!!!!

 

**Kanji**

Oh, that. 　I didn’t think anyone said that anymore.　

 

**Rise**

don’t judge my slang! щ(ºДºщ) who’s the idol here?!

but nvm that!!! what's going on with everyone’s favorite no homo bromos?

 

**Kanji**

Who?

 

**Rise**

Souji and Yosuke!!!!!!

 

**Kanji**

I thought they were both bi

 

**Rise**

yeah but how do you make that rhyme

perpetually ineffectual bisexuals?

ooh that’s actually good….

but anyways WHAT’S HAPPENING WITH YOSUKE AND SOUJI????

 

**Kanji**

What do you mean

 

**Rise**

You told Yukiko they’re on a date

 

**Kanji**

No?　

 

**Rise**

then what did u say???

 

**Kanji**

I asked Souji for homework help but he said he has a date, so I asked Yosuke but he said he has a date too.　

 

**Rise**

what why would you ask Yosuke for homework help

wait nvm THIS MEANS THEY’RE ON A DATE (๑ Ỡ ◡͐ Ỡ๑)ﾉ♡

 

**Kanji**

It does?　

 

**Rise**

UM DUH

 

**Kanji  
** Uh.　 Okay.　

So are you any good with Calculus?　

 

**Rise**

Ummmm I think I got a B on my last test

 

**Kanji**

Can you help me?　

 

**Rise**

what like now??

 

**Kanji**

Please I’m dying here

 

**Rise**

are you kidding me??? o(-`д´- ｡)

our friends are finally getting together after countless years of pining and you want to do math?!!!

 

**Kanji**

Four

 

**Rise**

( ・◇・)？

 

**Kanji**

Four years of pining

Well, three and a half

 

**Rise**

I…I didn’t mean I literally couldn’t count them

 

**Kanji**

Maybe I’m better at this math thing than I thought!

 

**Rise**

uh…　 right

 

 

\---  
  


 

**Rise**

heyyyyyyy senpai~ I hear you’re on a date ( ื▿ ืʃƪ) ♡♡♡

 

**Souji**

then why are you texting me lol

 

**Rise**

um obvs I want the deets

 

**Souji**

do people still say deets?　

**Rise**

SHH

srsly, tho, am I interrupting?

 

**Souji**

nah, I’m still getting ready

 

**Rise**

ooh perfect!! lemme help you with your outfit!!!! ( *¯ ³¯*)

 

**Souji**

I’m already dressed

 

**Rise**

pics! pics!

 

**Souji**

here

 

**Rise**

HMMMMMMM

good colors, but have you considered a button-down?　

 

**Souji**

that would be weirdly dressy for a trip to the grocery store

 

**Rise**

senpai

a grocery store is not a hot date spot

 

**Souji**

idk, it has a certain ambience

 

**Rise**

you do realize that Yosuke worked retail for four years

 

**Souji**

who said I was going with Yosuke?

 

**Rise**

are you serious ( ಠ_ಠ )

I s2g if we went through all this for you to get with Mr Eyebrows

 

**Souji**

who?

 

**Rise**

calligraphy club guy who felt you up at that party?　 guy you made out with in front of Yosuke the night you ACTUALLY HAD A CHANCE TO BANG HIM??　

ring any bells?

 

**Souji**

wait, you mean Kentarou?　 he’s straight

 

**Rise**

YOU CAN’T TELL ME YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT (╯°Д°)╯

 

**Souji**

he was very no homo about the whole thing

 

**Rise**

wow, a guy desperately reaffirming his straightness around you, never heard that one before

 

**Souji**

okay, point taken

but I still wouldn’t date him

 

**Rise**

oh?? and why is that? (´∀｀)♡♡♡

 

**Souji**

his eyebrows weird me out

 

**Rise**

really （；￢＿￢) not because you’ve been in love with your best friend for, like, EVER?

 

**Souji**

eh, I’m used to that

 

**Rise**

seriously, senpai, just tell him already

 

**Souji**

well I was hyping myself up to do that before you started texting me :P

 

**Rise**

I’m not sure which annoys me more, your cheekiness or your outdated shit-eating smiley

 

**Souji**

:^P

 

**Rise**

NO

 

 

\---  
  
  
 **Kanji**

If you’re not busy, could you help me with my math homework?

 

**Naoto**

Y

 

**Kanji**

Is that a “yes” Y or a “why” Y?　

 

**Naoto**

Y

 

**Kanji  
** Nevermind


	11. Fuck-Up Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the lasagna chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to apologize for taking so long to post this, but considering I have 20-30 pages of papers to write this semester, it's probably a miracle that I finished at all.

**Yukiko**

So how did your date go last night?

Any heartfelt confessions?

Perhaps a consummation of long unrequited emotions?

 

**Yosuke**

this is Souji, Yosuke says to stop texting him so early

 

**Yukiko**

Oh, whoops!

Wait.　

Wait!　

What happened?　

What did I miss?

 

**Yosuke**

this is the opposite of stopping

 

**Yukiko**

Souji, please!　 I’ve been waiting for this longer than you have!　

 

**Yosuke**

wow this really is an annoying text tone

**Yukiko**

Can I just text your phone instead?

 

**Yosuke**

I didn’t bring my charger

 

**Yukiko**

I am so disappointed.　

 

**Yosuke**

he says if he hears another notification the phone’s going up the first ass he finds

 

**Yukiko**

Oh!　 You should put it on vibrate for that.　

 

**Yosuke**

I’m telling Chie

 

**Yukiko**

I’m sorry, I’ll be good.　

 

 

\---

 

 

**Yukiko**

I texted Yosuke!

 

**Rise**

I’m sorry for your misfortune

 

**Yukiko**

Well, actually it was Souji.

Using Yosuke’s phone.　

Because Yosuke didn’t want to get up.　

 

**Rise**

**（＊〇□〇）……！**

**ヾ(** **０∀０*** **★)** **ﾟ*** **･.** **｡**

**ε=** **ε=(** **ง ˃̶͈̀** **ᗨ˂̶͈́)۶**

**☆ミヾ(** **∇≦((** **ヾ(** **≧∇≦)** **〃))** **≧∇)** **ノ彡☆**

**ヽ(** **´∇´)** **ノ　(** **∇´ノ)** **ヽ(** **)** **ノ　(** **ヽ´∇)** **ヽ(** **´∇`)** **ﾉ**

**(´** **◉◞** **౪** **◟◉** **｀)(´** **◉◞** **౪** **◟◉** **｀)(´** **◉◞** **౪** **◟◉** **｀)(´** **◉◞** **౪** **◟◉** **｀)(´** **◉◞** **౪** **◟◉** **｀)**

**Yukiko**

That is terrifying.　

 

**Rise**

Σ(゜ロ゜) RUDE

but more importantly

(ง ͠ ͠° ل͜ °)งMISSION COMPLETE

 

**Yukiko**

Goodbye.　

 

 

\---

 

 

**Chie**

What were u trying to call me about?　 Did something happen?

 

**Yukiko**

Yes!

 

**Chie**

What’s wrong????　 Should I come home?

 

**Yukiko**

Oh!　 No!

I just wanted to tell you that Souji and Yosuke made love.　

 

**Chie**

So you called me five times.

 

**Yukiko**

Yes!　

 

**Chie**

I s2g.

 

 

\---

 

**Yosuke**

wat were u textin me about @ 10am

 

**Yukiko**

I wanted to know how your date went!

I got my answer, though.　 :)

 

**Yosuke**

wat did souji tell u????

 

**Yukiko**

Isn’t it in your message history?　

 

**Yosuke**

too lazy

 

**Yukiko**

…to scroll up?　

 

**Yosuke**

ya

wat he say

 

**Yukiko**

Not enough!　 I am anxious to hear the details of your passionate night of torrid lovemaking.　

 

**Yosuke**

WAGHCJC

nP

NO

 

**Yukiko**

What are friends for if you can’t talk about personal matters with them?

 

**Yosuke**

PERJGDSKONAL MATHERSD

THWRE ARE NO PERSNALL MATERS

WE AT E DINENR

 

**Yukiko**

And what about dessert?

 

**Yosuke**

GOOD BYE

 

 

\---  
  


 

**Rise**

congratulations, senpai!!!!!! (｡♥‿♥｡)

 

**Souji**

?

 

**Rise**

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**Souji**

oh

oh no

 

**Rise**

so how was it?　

 

**Souji**

a little salty but other than that pretty good

 

**Rise**

UM

 

**Souji**

well it was his first time and all

 

**Rise**

that…does that really affect the taste??

 

**Souji**

yeah it takes some practice

 

**Rise**

( ಠ_ಠ)

you’re not talking about sex are you

 

**Souji**

no?　 we made lasagna

 

**Rise**

why would I be congratulating you on lasagna ι(´Д`ι)

 

**Souji**

it was a good lasagna

 

**Rise**

but you said it was salty

 

**Souji**

there are many worse things for lasagna to be

 

**Rise**

ok u know what I’m not here for lasagna talk

I’m here for the JUICY STUFF ԅ(≖‿≖ԅ)

 

**Souji**

lasagna definitely should not be juicy

 

**Rise**

THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS THAN PASTA, SENPAI

 

**Souji**

debatable   
  
 **Rise**

u kno what I’m starting to think it’s a miracle you got laid at all

 

**Souji**

who said anything about getting laid?

 

**Rise**

are you kidding me ( ಠ_ಠ)

I s2g if you had your ridiculous grocery store date, made dinner together, stayed the night, and STILL DIDN’T MAKE A MOVE

 

**Souji**

¯_(ツ)_/¯

 

**Rise**

NO

YOU’VE LOST YOUR KAOMOJI PRIVILEGES

 

 

\---  
  


 

**Rise**

I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DIDN’T FUCK HIM

 

**Yosuke**

WTF

 

**Rise**

OR LET HIM FUCK YOU IDK WHATEVER YOU PREFER

 

**Yosuke**

again WTF

 

**Rise**

FIX THIS

 

**Yosuke**

wat

 

**Rise**

GO

GO GET YOUR MAN

 

**Yosuke**

I have to do homewrk tho

 

**Rise**

ass before class

 

**Yosuke**

wat

 

**Rise**

cock before chalk

 

**Yosuke**

nO

 

**Rise**

twerking before working

 

**Yosuke**

STPO

 

**Rise**

PDA before GPAs

**Yosuke**

ok tha t one was a lil weak

 

**Rise**

copulation before graduation

 

**Yosuke**

GHAKSGJD GHJ

IM WIRTNG THIS PAPER

 

 

\---  
  


 

**Yukiko**

I have bad news.　

 

**Chie**

What is it?

 

**Yukiko**

Yosuke and Souji did not actually do the do.　

 

**Chie**

I DON’T WANNA HEAR ABOUT THIS.　

 

**Yukiko**

So tragic.

:(

 

 

\---  
  


 

**Rise**

I GIVE UP ｡･ﾟヾ(✦థ ｪ థ)ﾉ｡ﾟ･｡

I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE

 

**Yukiko**

It has been…difficult.

 

**Rise**

if our friends are determined to be SAD LOSERS then LET EM

 

**Yukiko**

They do seem to enjoy it.　

 

**Rise**

enjoy what?

 

**Yukiko**

Being sad losers.　

 

**Rise**

oh definitely

 

 

\---  
  


 

**Yosuke**

did teh girls ask u bout last nite?

 

**Souji**

lol yeah

I told Rise about your lasagna

 

**Yosuke**

um excuz u i think u mean OUR lasane?

 

**Souji**

gosh, a guy sucks your dick once and you’re already talking about kids? moving a little fast, don’t you think?

 

**Yosuke  
** sez the guy who confesed in the checkout line　　

　

**Souji**

you wound me

 

**Yosuke**

get used to it prtnr ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kind comments! I hope the finale lived up to your expectations.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sorry


End file.
